


One of Life's Great Mysteries

by WarriorMR



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Backstory, POV Second Person, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorMR/pseuds/WarriorMR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re born in Honolulu to a beautiful mother and a kindhearted father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One of Life's Great Mysteries

**Author's Note:**

> sad grif is the only thing i write about and i'm so sorry
> 
> check me out on tumblr for more sad things such as this  
> http://marblehornetz.tumblr.com

You’re born in Honolulu to a beautiful mother and a kindhearted father.

You’re four and your first day of school doesn’t go great – you get yelled at for stealing from the lunchroom.

You’re five and you have a new baby sister. She has bright eyes and holds your hand a little too tight.

You’re six and your sister says her first word – a mangled version of your name. You try to get her to say it correctly.

You’re seven and you haven’t seen your father in a year. You try your best to get good grades.

You’re eight and your sister likes piggyback rides and sunsets. She asks you if there’s really a God. You tell her yes, because that’s what she wants to hear. You actually don’t know for sure.

You’re nine and your mother is struggling to find work. She takes anything she can get. Your colorblind sister is in preschool, and she makes friends easily.

You’re ten and you get told to man up. Your family sells belongings in order to stay in your house. You love your sister.

You’re eleven and you’re finding it harder to care. You don’t understand why school is so important. Your sister gets an A+ on a project; you tell her you’re proud when your mother isn’t home.

You’re twelve and your mother is never fucking home. Once she is, you drink some of her liquor for the first time. She notices, but doesn’t say anything. Kaikaina is often outside, playing with friends.

You’re thirteen and you get a job. You hate it. You’d rather be sleeping stress away at home. Kai cries at night sometimes. You try not to listen when she calls your mother; in tears, wanting her to come home.

You’re fourteen and you haven’t thought about grades in a long time. Teachers ask you if everything is okay at home. You see Kai writing stories about aliens and tell her to keep writing, whenever she can.

You’re fifteen and love is the last thing on your mind. You hate how it’s everywhere. You ignore everyone at school and try to stop fueling your addictions. Kai needs you. Food is hard to come by.

You’re sixteen and your mother stops by for the first time in months to pull you out of school. You weren’t doing that great anyway. You focus more on work, and eventually buy an apartment. After describing colors to her, Kai tells you that she likes orange the best.

You’re seventeen and you’re always tired. Kai brings you flowers that she thinks are orange, but are actually yellow. You don’t correct her. You two share the same room and it’s never clean.

You’re eighteen and you’re drafted into some space army you couldn’t give two shits about. Basic training is hell, but the food is decent (You steal a snack cake and save it for later, for some more important time. Those are the best things you’ve eaten in your entire life). You worry about your sister. You pray to some unseen God that she won’t do anything fucking stupid.

You take some test about what you learned in the army, then have to pick a color for your armor before you go to your next post. You remember Kaikaina. You pick orange.

Some nervous kid is in the Pelican with you, going to the same outpost you are. He’s practically chewing his nails through the gloves. You tell him to lay off, asking him what the worst could happen is. The pilot laughs at you and tells you to look out the window. You see a canyon red as blood under you. You don’t get the joke.

You thought basic was bad? Blood Gulch Outpost #1 is the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with. It’s too repetitive, and you get bored easily. Wake up, run drills. Go scouting, run drills. Report to your CO, run drills for your CO. Go in the base, eat, do whatever, eat, sleep until morning (You noticed within the first week that the sun never moves in Blood Gulch).

You end up slacking off a lot, taking naps on the cliffs (much to your CO’s and the other kid’s dismay), and bitching about how fucking lame the canyon is. You, surprisingly, get a lot of down time. Sometimes the kid in maroon joins you in bitching about the canyon, but then he bitches at you for disobeying your CO all the time.

His name is Simmons, and he asks you if you ever wonder why you’re here. You want to just say no, but in all honesty the question leaves you thinking.

You rhetorically ask him something about cosmic coincidences or God having a plan for everyone. When you say God, you remember the times your sister asked you if God was real; which makes you start thinking about her and the entirety of your life.

Your parents, your sister, you.

Your mother, your sister, you.

Kaikaina, you.

The fucking space army, you.

You, Simmons, your Sergeant.

You think about how everything could have been so different – how you could have been in some college in Hawaii with a place of your own, instead of sharing a shoddy apartment with a sister that called you ‘Dickster’ once.

You think about how it all could have ended, how easy it could have been to just quit while you were behind and give up.

You wonder about your purpose in life, which leaves you with one final question in your head.

Why are you still here, Dexter Grif?

“I don’t know, man, but it keeps me up at night.”


End file.
